In his book Caring Enough to Confront, David Augsburger says the most effective way to deal with conflict is to "affirm the person and confront the issue." We most often do something more like "confront the person, yell about the issue." Yet, affirmation provides the basis from which all confrontation can be received. Someone could easily misunderstand this phrase to be a formula: like "say something nice about the person and then clock 'em with your frustration." For instance... John, you know that I love you... and your a really great guy. But are you a complete idiot?...
How could you do that to me!!!
Yet the ratio between affirmation and confrontation is not 50/50 but more like 99 to 1. Living your life as an affirmer with your spouse, kids, colleagues, and friends makes the times when confrontation is necessary (and it is necessary!) so much more effective.Give it a try!
Van
1 comment:
I prefer to avoid confrontation at all costs! :) Unless you do something mean to my family...and then I'll do something really on the edge like write a mean letter.
I like your thoughts, Van. Sue
Post a Comment